20 th December 2010
12.30 am
sleepless on bed, with the impact of so called 'panic'.
Cry of the calf. Amma called from downstairs.
Nothing. Gave hay and water.
Passed urine in the meantime, while amma was inquiring into the cry issue.
Saw the Knife pierced to soil , near the water tape facing south west.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Rivotril Withdrawal Symptoms
Rivotril Withdrawal Symptoms
//http://pointofreturn.com/withdrawal_program.html
//
may include but not limited to: abdominal pains, aching, agoraphobia, anxiety, blurred vision, body vibrations, changes in perception, diarrhea, distended abdomen, feeling of unreality, flu-like symptoms, flatulence, food cravings, hair loss, heart palpitations, heavy limbs, increased allergies, increased sense of smell, insomnia, lethargy, loss of balance, metallic taste, muscle spasms, nightmares, panic attacks, paranoia, persistent & unpleasant memories, severe headaches, shaking, short term memory loss, sore mouth and tongue, sound & light sensitivity, speech difficulties, sweating, suicidal thoughts, tinnitus, unusually sensitive, fear
//http://pointofreturn.com/withdrawal_program.html
//
may include but not limited to: abdominal pains, aching, agoraphobia, anxiety, blurred vision, body vibrations, changes in perception, diarrhea, distended abdomen, feeling of unreality, flu-like symptoms, flatulence, food cravings, hair loss, heart palpitations, heavy limbs, increased allergies, increased sense of smell, insomnia, lethargy, loss of balance, metallic taste, muscle spasms, nightmares, panic attacks, paranoia, persistent & unpleasant memories, severe headaches, shaking, short term memory loss, sore mouth and tongue, sound & light sensitivity, speech difficulties, sweating, suicidal thoughts, tinnitus, unusually sensitive, fear
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
My experiments with Mind !
The out of routine experiences started on 15-9-10.
Till today 11-1010, I am not relieved. Today morning, from 9 am onwards a feeling of chill in head, and an incoherance in body mind allignment. Loss of synchronization.
Riding my Bike for 5Kms became a herculian task.
kSEB car tata indica picked me from market. Even in the car, i was feeling dizzy. Tried on all known techniques to relax, but in vein.
Shiju drove the car, in a sinatize health. padne, trikaripur, pilicode, kayyur, nallompuzha, bheemanady, and choyyomkode offices were visited to update Oruam software to 1.5:5
Till today 11-1010, I am not relieved. Today morning, from 9 am onwards a feeling of chill in head, and an incoherance in body mind allignment. Loss of synchronization.
Riding my Bike for 5Kms became a herculian task.
kSEB car tata indica picked me from market. Even in the car, i was feeling dizzy. Tried on all known techniques to relax, but in vein.
Shiju drove the car, in a sinatize health. padne, trikaripur, pilicode, kayyur, nallompuzha, bheemanady, and choyyomkode offices were visited to update Oruam software to 1.5:5
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Diary 07 October 2010
8.41 am - Just now came from Nileshwram. Saavi will get the bus. Charming in new Violet Saree.
Bought Jasmine for amma.
Merchant Vishwanathan Swamy expired is the current local flash.
Hibuscus juice gulped, Dhanyakaadi kashaayam....
Oruma 1.5.5 -R updatio package dowloaded.
Moods are getting tranquilised.
A fine morning with a silver light. Sun Shines behind the veil of white clouds.
Bought Jasmine for amma.
Merchant Vishwanathan Swamy expired is the current local flash.
Hibuscus juice gulped, Dhanyakaadi kashaayam....
Oruma 1.5.5 -R updatio package dowloaded.
Moods are getting tranquilised.
A fine morning with a silver light. Sun Shines behind the veil of white clouds.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Quotes from Books I read
remember that evey thing changes
VBT- page 629(you !)
you are the problem. The cause is within you.
VBT- page 819
only decision will give you action, and only action will become transformation.
If you are really interested in a deep revolution within you, then decide - and dont go on postponing.
Dont be too phylosophical, that is dangerous. And waste of time.
So be decisive.
VBT- page 629(you !)
you are the problem. The cause is within you.
VBT- page 819
only decision will give you action, and only action will become transformation.
If you are really interested in a deep revolution within you, then decide - and dont go on postponing.
Dont be too phylosophical, that is dangerous. And waste of time.
So be decisive.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Notebook 3 October 2010
Rains....
In the bed... A sensation of weight in head.
She in blue rob
night in wet dark rob with laces of lightning and jingling sound of thunder.
Even in this small locality and society, every minute and each individual appears to be cross section of psychogical specimens
In the bed... A sensation of weight in head.
She in blue rob
night in wet dark rob with laces of lightning and jingling sound of thunder.
Even in this small locality and society, every minute and each individual appears to be cross section of psychogical specimens
Diary Oct 3 rd 2010
a nice sunday, that's how it should be. Mornig walk from 8 to 9:00 slept from 10 to 11 , saavi and amma went for attending the pindam funcion of Edakkanam Vijayettan at 11 am.
12.30 to 2 pm at Ammath Balakrishnan ammavan, deepu sunil's grahashanthi.
2- 2.30 pindam Edakkanam
3:30- 5 at home with saavi, a nice sleep.
A half Ok not fully OK dingo.
A slight tiredness prevails all through.
5 pm Babu(killer babu) called and then came for taking scooter. kL 14 A 9720. Gave 1700.
6 pm set out to Nileshwaram.
6:30 at pattena maman
7:30 jawan corner with Kesh and pappettan.
8 pm rithu, from alinkeezhil tomato.
Now Viewing Shivaaji of Rajani kanth and 'kabhi khushi kabhi gum' in sony TV.
A slight rain out side.
Amma went to sleep. saavi , after cleaning works of home went for bath.
chappathi and curry for the dinner.
Mamaaji was a bit feverish yesterday and consulted thejaswini today.
12.30 to 2 pm at Ammath Balakrishnan ammavan, deepu sunil's grahashanthi.
2- 2.30 pindam Edakkanam
3:30- 5 at home with saavi, a nice sleep.
A half Ok not fully OK dingo.
A slight tiredness prevails all through.
5 pm Babu(killer babu) called and then came for taking scooter. kL 14 A 9720. Gave 1700.
6 pm set out to Nileshwaram.
6:30 at pattena maman
7:30 jawan corner with Kesh and pappettan.
8 pm rithu, from alinkeezhil tomato.
Now Viewing Shivaaji of Rajani kanth and 'kabhi khushi kabhi gum' in sony TV.
A slight rain out side.
Amma went to sleep. saavi , after cleaning works of home went for bath.
chappathi and curry for the dinner.
Mamaaji was a bit feverish yesterday and consulted thejaswini today.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Notebook 3-10-10
It's really a struggle. A tiresome effort to stand on legs.
The anxiety of another panic episode haunts in every step.
Mind has become a waggabond. Thoughts loiter in the marketplaces, snowclad mountains, dark valleys, scrotching deserts and in unknown labrynths.
Dr.Kishore Kumar and TKS krishnan prescribed Tab serlift, nexitol plus and revotril.
Swamy Niramalandagiri Maharaj suggested a long intake of medicines starting with Saraswatharishtam !
It is 10.30 am of a fine morning in October.
A sunny day.
The anxiety of another panic episode haunts in every step.
Mind has become a waggabond. Thoughts loiter in the marketplaces, snowclad mountains, dark valleys, scrotching deserts and in unknown labrynths.
Dr.Kishore Kumar and TKS krishnan prescribed Tab serlift, nexitol plus and revotril.
Swamy Niramalandagiri Maharaj suggested a long intake of medicines starting with Saraswatharishtam !
It is 10.30 am of a fine morning in October.
A sunny day.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Synchro October 2010
At about 6.30 pm when sitting and chatting with saavi in the computer room, a flash of thought , and called to amma for remoting the channel to Sandhya deepam,
and it was Girishji, talking aboutn Seetha Devi...Swarnamaan...Vyamoha tyagam.. Vyathichalanam.
Diary 01 October 2010
Today Kanni 15 of Malayalam Calendar
A bright day till noon, with clouds moulding in evening and mild rain now.[7.07pm]
Saavi is preparing a black leamon tea...
Asthamaya was at 6.17 pm
A wake up call from pappa hit me up from my bed at 7.30 am, rushing through the routines, with two teas, one small banan and a 1/2 Tab serlift, jumped to bike and with saavi rode to Nileshwaram. She just gor the KSRTC bus to Kayyur.
The call from Vellur was to search for Tata steel at Nileshwaram Gajanan traders.
But later they decided to get it from Payyannur itself
Tuyyam Ganapathiyettan KTC sponsored the breakfast of three stiff idlis and sambar.
Visited Nileshwram Section Office where a conference was going on.
AE said "fatal error" message displayed while creating a demand.
Went to Kallamvalli to get Buttermilk.
The burning sensation and fatigue persists.
Now I am sitting before my home PC, surfing for some good eBooks.
Thoughts shift from one to other like a monkey just as in the anecdotes of Upanidhads.
Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton, when searching for the "Spontaneous evolution".
Dinner may be enriched by Chappathies. She is in the Culinary Lab.
A bright day till noon, with clouds moulding in evening and mild rain now.[7.07pm]
Saavi is preparing a black leamon tea...
Asthamaya was at 6.17 pm
A wake up call from pappa hit me up from my bed at 7.30 am, rushing through the routines, with two teas, one small banan and a 1/2 Tab serlift, jumped to bike and with saavi rode to Nileshwaram. She just gor the KSRTC bus to Kayyur.
The call from Vellur was to search for Tata steel at Nileshwaram Gajanan traders.
But later they decided to get it from Payyannur itself
Tuyyam Ganapathiyettan KTC sponsored the breakfast of three stiff idlis and sambar.
Visited Nileshwram Section Office where a conference was going on.
AE said "fatal error" message displayed while creating a demand.
Went to Kallamvalli to get Buttermilk.
The burning sensation and fatigue persists.
Now I am sitting before my home PC, surfing for some good eBooks.
Thoughts shift from one to other like a monkey just as in the anecdotes of Upanidhads.
Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton, when searching for the "Spontaneous evolution".
Dinner may be enriched by Chappathies. She is in the Culinary Lab.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Diary 27 sep 10 mid night
It's nearing 12 am.
The time is sliding to the next day.
I'm caught in between 27 and 28.
Resting in the bed with a head feeling highly dizzy and moods are deeply sleepy, i could not sleep.
Beyond the window, the flashes of lightning...
Quite an hour ago I had that sae feeling, the same sensation i fekt a week ago. A cool breeze and shiver passsing through the spine... Now it's very near to sleep. At the threshold.
Amme sharanam !
The time is sliding to the next day.
I'm caught in between 27 and 28.
Resting in the bed with a head feeling highly dizzy and moods are deeply sleepy, i could not sleep.
Beyond the window, the flashes of lightning...
Quite an hour ago I had that sae feeling, the same sensation i fekt a week ago. A cool breeze and shiver passsing through the spine... Now it's very near to sleep. At the threshold.
Amme sharanam !
DIARY 27 September 2010
DIARY
27 September 2010
4.30 am Wake up call by a smart cookoo
4.57 am Sprought up from the bed , urinated and again to bed… flood of thoughts, with very short intervals.
7.30 came down..fast preparations , four doshais
8.00 with Saavi set out… Saavi alight at Chayyom School.
8.15 At ES Choyyomkode. Only the driver is there. Called AE. Later Venu SE came.
9.00 EE came by Shiju’s Car
9.45 Nallompuzha. Updated.
Nallompuzha issues:- Rs.357/- remitted wrongly to 4605
Rs.357/- to be accounted to405
11.25 ES Bheemanady
acer AWPO4gv4308416869LE –printer not configured
1 pm ES Choyyomkode
Printer EPSON FX 800 G2PY001385 Seems faulty
Server 01 is again faulty- One zero Prabhash will come at 3.30
AE needs Printer configured
Mavungal – fatal error while bill entry and bill a[proval continues
1.30 home.
and now at 1.52 pm, seated before PC typing..preparing for a nice lunch and rest
27 September 2010
4.30 am Wake up call by a smart cookoo
4.57 am Sprought up from the bed , urinated and again to bed… flood of thoughts, with very short intervals.
7.30 came down..fast preparations , four doshais
8.00 with Saavi set out… Saavi alight at Chayyom School.
8.15 At ES Choyyomkode. Only the driver is there. Called AE. Later Venu SE came.
9.00 EE came by Shiju’s Car
9.45 Nallompuzha. Updated.
Nallompuzha issues:- Rs.357/- remitted wrongly to 4605
Rs.357/- to be accounted to405
11.25 ES Bheemanady
acer AWPO4gv4308416869LE –printer not configured
1 pm ES Choyyomkode
Printer EPSON FX 800 G2PY001385 Seems faulty
Server 01 is again faulty- One zero Prabhash will come at 3.30
AE needs Printer configured
Mavungal – fatal error while bill entry and bill a[proval continues
1.30 home.
and now at 1.52 pm, seated before PC typing..preparing for a nice lunch and rest
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Rainbow northeast
Rains...!
'Raining' that should be the usage as Osho puts it.
Now it is 7:30pm of 26th sep 2010 evening. I am seated in an easy chair at home after 1 hour walk through the paddy fields.
After these spells of illness, panic attack, pallatial knee cap dislocation and conjuctivities, it is the third time I take plunge into nature.
Three evenings .
Some times I wish to make it in the morning, but the fear of dogs coupled with immense lethargy and dizzines, I never get a chance to enjoy the beauty of morning.
Today's evening was roofed with a beautiful rainbow.
I would not have noticed it lest, for a slight pain in the knee, and I raised my head to release a long sigh...and in the north east, the horizon was ornamenated by a necklace of rainbow.
Some joys, some visions are inexplicable.
Amme sharanam
'Raining' that should be the usage as Osho puts it.
Now it is 7:30pm of 26th sep 2010 evening. I am seated in an easy chair at home after 1 hour walk through the paddy fields.
After these spells of illness, panic attack, pallatial knee cap dislocation and conjuctivities, it is the third time I take plunge into nature.
Three evenings .
Some times I wish to make it in the morning, but the fear of dogs coupled with immense lethargy and dizzines, I never get a chance to enjoy the beauty of morning.
Today's evening was roofed with a beautiful rainbow.
I would not have noticed it lest, for a slight pain in the knee, and I raised my head to release a long sigh...and in the north east, the horizon was ornamenated by a necklace of rainbow.
Some joys, some visions are inexplicable.
Amme sharanam
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Waiting for a consultation- panic attack
Clock ticking to 2pm of this september. The waiting room of Dr.Kishore is now filled with 3 patients,. A woman sitting beside me is looking at my mobile and blinks what this guy is doing on the qwerty.
There is agirl in red churidar and black shawl behind the table of receptionist.
This 1 st floor of Iceland seems to be a medical floor. Dr.keshavan potty.G childrens specialist, Dr.Kishore Kumar consultant physician, Dr.jayaprakash surgeon, and a skin specialist, whose name board is not visible from the place where i am seated. i persume, it is Gurudatt.
Shrimathi Muralimaster, Mrs.Smithedthi is here , as a pharmasicist.
I have a 20 % of those nightmarish feelings even now. A sensation of unrest.
I know I will have to wait till my turn.
It's all in mind... Or rather, is it all mind only ?
A person outside is nagging the receptionist. But she is capable of dealing with it.
2pm
hunger starts to strike. I had called Kunnam divakarji to arrange my lunch with shrimathi Vydyar.
There is agirl in red churidar and black shawl behind the table of receptionist.
This 1 st floor of Iceland seems to be a medical floor. Dr.keshavan potty.G childrens specialist, Dr.Kishore Kumar consultant physician, Dr.jayaprakash surgeon, and a skin specialist, whose name board is not visible from the place where i am seated. i persume, it is Gurudatt.
Shrimathi Muralimaster, Mrs.Smithedthi is here , as a pharmasicist.
I have a 20 % of those nightmarish feelings even now. A sensation of unrest.
I know I will have to wait till my turn.
It's all in mind... Or rather, is it all mind only ?
A person outside is nagging the receptionist. But she is capable of dealing with it.
2pm
hunger starts to strike. I had called Kunnam divakarji to arrange my lunch with shrimathi Vydyar.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The mistook Ascent-Panic Attack
15 th September 2010
Details collected from Net
A panic attack is a sudden rush of uncomfortable physical symptoms coupled with thoughts of impending doom (making a scene, heart attack, not being able to breathe). Although the first panic attack may take place in a distinct situation, further episodes are unpredictable as to time or place.
One or more uncomfortable physical symptoms will be present in a severe form during an actual panic attack, such as increased heart rate, dizziness or lightheadedness, shortness of breath, inability to concentrate, and confusion.
After a number of panic episodes, the individual can become afraid of being a helpless victim of panic. He or she may hesitate to be alone, to venture far from home, or to be in public places. Even when not experiencing an anxiety attack, the person with panic attacks often becomes increasingly nervous and apprehensive. He or she attempts to remain physically and psychologically tense in preparation for the next attack.
Details collected from Net
A panic attack is a sudden rush of uncomfortable physical symptoms coupled with thoughts of impending doom (making a scene, heart attack, not being able to breathe). Although the first panic attack may take place in a distinct situation, further episodes are unpredictable as to time or place.
One or more uncomfortable physical symptoms will be present in a severe form during an actual panic attack, such as increased heart rate, dizziness or lightheadedness, shortness of breath, inability to concentrate, and confusion.
After a number of panic episodes, the individual can become afraid of being a helpless victim of panic. He or she may hesitate to be alone, to venture far from home, or to be in public places. Even when not experiencing an anxiety attack, the person with panic attacks often becomes increasingly nervous and apprehensive. He or she attempts to remain physically and psychologically tense in preparation for the next attack.
Pilicode
Server mother board changed by nithin yesterday. Today sijoy attended networking issue and solved.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sri Chakra Pooja Vadakkancheri
Sri Chakra, the emperor chakra of all the chakras(yantra) of whole of the universe from time imemmorial, is identified as the most enigmatic geometrical figures.
The Pooja or worship of Sri chakra thus becomes the most holiest and powerful worship.
The Pooja or worship of Sri chakra thus becomes the most holiest and powerful worship.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
At Guruvayoor in an April
Slowly, it is dawning...
Guruvayoor temple & premises is stepping into another very bright day. For more than one hour, I was meditating amid a long que of devotees...
I persume, the lethargic awkening of mine may be the cause for waiting..and may not be...
While alone in a crowded que, I was observing the growth of Guruvayoor as a township. The hotel adjacent to the north east corner of temple is now demolished for want of space for expansion. The hotel , the name I'm just not remembering was once the location for ''Nagha Kshathangal'' by Hariharan & M.T Vasudevan Nair team. Tilakan, Vineeth & late.Monisha starred in that famous Malayalam movie. The temple is crowded throughout the day, throughout the year. Guruvayoorappan has become popular. And he is also such a lover of his devotees.
Whatever may be the pandemonium in and around the temple, the divine radiance and energy can be experienced by any conjusted & prejudiced person.
Mind is ladden with more observations, but alas ! ....
''but I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep... ''
'ohm namo bhagavate vaasudevaaya'
Guruvayoor temple & premises is stepping into another very bright day. For more than one hour, I was meditating amid a long que of devotees...
I persume, the lethargic awkening of mine may be the cause for waiting..and may not be...
While alone in a crowded que, I was observing the growth of Guruvayoor as a township. The hotel adjacent to the north east corner of temple is now demolished for want of space for expansion. The hotel , the name I'm just not remembering was once the location for ''Nagha Kshathangal'' by Hariharan & M.T Vasudevan Nair team. Tilakan, Vineeth & late.Monisha starred in that famous Malayalam movie. The temple is crowded throughout the day, throughout the year. Guruvayoorappan has become popular. And he is also such a lover of his devotees.
Whatever may be the pandemonium in and around the temple, the divine radiance and energy can be experienced by any conjusted & prejudiced person.
Mind is ladden with more observations, but alas ! ....
''but I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep... ''
'ohm namo bhagavate vaasudevaaya'
Guruvayoor April 26
Ente kannaa......!
2.30 am
Another bright morning at the ''bhoo loka vaikuntam'' - the abode of Shri Maha Vishnu in the world.
A very long que of devotees to have the darshan of 'vaakacharthu'.
Mobile phone not allowed inside the temple. I am typing just before my darshan, sitting at my temporary den near the temple...
Kannane kaanumoo ?
2.30 am
Another bright morning at the ''bhoo loka vaikuntam'' - the abode of Shri Maha Vishnu in the world.
A very long que of devotees to have the darshan of 'vaakacharthu'.
Mobile phone not allowed inside the temple. I am typing just before my darshan, sitting at my temporary den near the temple...
Kannane kaanumoo ?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Again , back with a mobile phone to blogger
It's the sharp middle of the midnight, middle of april....
Cloudy night, constellations vague.
Ganesh vasudvan, my brother who is a softare engineer in finland, felt yesterday..''nighty night '' !
It reminded me of the Vaikkom muhammed basheer's ''velichathinte velicham''
Cloudy night, constellations vague.
Ganesh vasudvan, my brother who is a softare engineer in finland, felt yesterday..''nighty night '' !
It reminded me of the Vaikkom muhammed basheer's ''velichathinte velicham''
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